Ever since New Years morning 2008, I felt like something fresh was sitting inside of me. I have never been one for New Years resolutions, as I have always felt that if I wanted to change or do something… I would just do it. And yet, I have been feeling the brewing of a different perspective on “the list” that I feel is necessary every day, regardless of the New Year.

So, every time I would sit down to write what this feeling was… it would collect into a mess of what I already know. It just didn’t feel like the freshness I woke up with. My feeling wasn’t so much of wanting a resolution as it was that I just simply wanted to look at a blank piece of paper, a blank idea. So as the sun fades under my mess of thought, I tear out the cluttered pages in my journal and throw them away. I throw them away with the blank pages still intact, as I light a vanilla scented candle and sit on my couch, wanting to see this empty “to do” list in front of my face.

Sitting cozy wrapped up in PJ’s and my fuzzy red blanket, I stare at it’s blank pages. I started thinking about my friends that I give advice to. Do you ever find yourself giving advice to a friend when the answer feels so apparent and obvious? If I am not going to write a list of change from my perspective, then how do I find perspective on my own life that is probably obvious? Without thinking of my life as something I wanted to change, because you can always be stubborn to the advice you don’t want to hear. I started asking myself questions.

My journal’s empty pages began coming alive with all the questions I wanted to ask myself like, a caring friend igniting an honest answer. Answers that didn’t need to be written down, because the purpose is not the scary 180 degrees dive of change. The purpose is to have a fresh perspective for a clear direction of choice.

Happy that my New Year is not burden with the thought of change, I lay my head back on the rest arm of my couch. Looking out the window of my condo, the evening air surrounds the still trees. My mind and the night is so calm, that all I feel is that fresh feeling that needs no words. A feeling that will never be wilted or tired with the natural progression of life, because the feeling is… a blank page of whatever I want it to be. A blank page that can be filled with questions to my best friend… do you have any questions you’d like to ask yourself?

written by; Christy Hemme