As I look out the window of my early morning flight, headed home to Los Angeles from a weekend of work and play in Canada, I silently scream “Codependent NO MORE” at the peaceful snowflakes falling to the ground.

Ok, so maybe I need to back up just a little bit, lol.

As a women in the wrestling business, you’ll find our basic mold to be pretty similar… strong, independent, motivated, perfectionist, empowered and in some cases, codependent.

In a nut shell a codependent person is basically a caretaker, fix it person, problem solver, control freak, independent person with people depending on them whether it be emotionally, physically or financially. As they think they are helping and keeping everything in control…they are not truly in control with dependent people manipulating them. Codependents are really just weighing themselves with worry for others and a form of low self worth they may not even be aware of.

There are many types and many ways to take on the nature of a codependent person. I happen to be one of the more common descriptions of this type of person. The oldest sibling in a family with an alcoholic mother, that learned out of necessity at a very young age how to be a caretaker. In turn, loosing part of myself in wanting to take care of and fix everything and everyone, including every male relationship I have that are usually addictive or needy men… but I can help them right?? Wrong!! AHHHH, meanwhile I have always been screaming “Can’t I please just be the girl in this thing for once!!”.

With our tight locker room backstage at TNA, Gail Kim told me and Traci Brooks that we had to read this book called “Codependent No More”, by Melody Beattie. As I started to read it, I finally had a word to describe the thing that has weighted me to worry and care-take my whole life!! Thaaaank yooooou GAIL!

So, bringing us to this past weekend, Gail, Traci and I flew to Toronto, Canada, to work for the promotion and family that Gail and Traci first began their wrestling careers with, BSE Wrestling. It was incredible!! The Canadian fans were amazing, BSE was one of the best promotions I have ever worked for, Burt the Hurt rules, I love The Keg and Tim Horton’s ROCKS some serious coffee ass!! What seemed to be a work weekend quickly turned into a dish of a perfect girls “get away” with a side of men to endure our now themed “Codependent No More” weekend, lol… poor guys, sorry, we love you!!

Making our way from appearances, to shows, to interviews, to the town UFC viewing, to the Beaver valley ski lodge, to airports, to hotels, to a charity event, to bars and to the insanity that was the brilliance of this underestimated trip… even the unavoidable road to “major lack of sleep” didn’t hinder the laughter and bonding we all did on this “get away” we all desperately needed.

In the end, the three of us realized that we had a very codependent free weekend. Supporting each other and the decisions we are making in this busy time in our lives, helping each other get perspective on what we can’t see and yet learning how to do that without feeling the burden of someone else’s problem overshadowing our own, all while keeping the light of laughter present the entire time. We could all feel without saying a word that this “support” we usually don’t need because we are sooooooo strong and independent, is always needed and not the sign of being weak or helpless but a healthy alternative to locking ourselves in the world that we control.

So here I am at the beginning of my old turned new relationships, trying to change my codependent ways and make what I feel a priority… all the sudden I find myself feeling very weird and uncomfortable, lol! I am comfortable in worry, taking care of others, control and a direction toward goals. I know that if I cut the fat of worry for others, my communication, thought process and my general connection to the people around me will change.

Looking out at the now clear morning sky that floats above a pillow of clouds, I feel like there is a lot of free time in my head. Just as quickly as I feel that free time clear a path I start to feel guilt pouring in for having it (How can I not worry about this or that, what will happen to it? How can I leave them? How can I be so selfish?)… oh boy… this one is going to be a project!!

Whether you are on either side of being codependent or dependent, I definitely think its a human behavior that is often ignored and needs some attention. Are you not #1 in your own head? Are you dependent on someone willing to let you be? If so, can you see with perspective what kind of effect this has on you or the person you care about? Just something to think about…

written by; Christy Hemme

Posted: February 5th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Filed under: General News, Hemme Powered